People Pleaser Syndrome, What it is and How to Stop it
Being a people pleaser does not mean that there's anything mentally wrong with you. In fact, it actually means that you're naturally a caring, compassionate, and loving person.
Compassion and kindness are strengths that are not without a downside. However, with time, you can dominate those weaknesses to be the type of caring person who helps others and yourself.
The Impact of People Pleaser Syndrome
People pleasers by nature are often taken advantage of by other people. Narcissists, self-centered, and "takers" often prey on people pleasers because of what they can take from you.
Relationships, friendships, coworkers, and even strangers on the street always hope that a people pleaser is around the corner.
People pleasers typically become very stressed out in their lives. Because they're always putting everyone else's needs above their own, they may find that they're making little progress towards their goals.
To serve others is an incredible quality that all people should strive for. So, when does serving others become a problem? It's when you neglect yourself. The golden rule teaches to love others as yourself, not more than yourself!
3 Strategies for Overcoming People Pleaser Syndrome
If you feel stuck being a people pleaser and are tired of feeling like a puppet controlled by other people's wants and demands, fear not. People Pleaser Syndrome is nothing more than a bad habit, which can be overcome.
Strategy #1: Learn to Say "No"
Practicing saying "No" to someone is initially very difficult, and you might even feel guilty for saying it. However, it gets effortless with practice.
Saying "No" doesn't mean that you don't help anyone or go out with friends, but if you're busy with a project when someone needs something, you have every right to say "No."
Say "Yes" if a person's invitation or need aligns with what you want, or you know that the person is genuine and not trying to take from you. Be authentic with who you are, and if there's something that you don't want to do, that's perfectly ok.
Strategy #2: Create Healthy Boundaries
When it comes to People Pleaser Syndrome, think of a boundary as a rule for a particular situation. For example, if your coworker asks you to get them a cup of coffee when you go to get a drink of water, set an appropriate boundary if you feel that you are being taken advantage of.
Setting boundaries is a learnable skill that gets easier with practice, but you first need to build your "boundary brain." Examine the various situations in your life as they come one by one, and start being aware of a person's true intent. If the person's intention is taking away your time and energy, set a boundary.
Strategy #3: Make Friends With Other People Pleasers
This one might sound a bit funny, but it's true. Granted, your people pleasing friends don't have to be people pleasers per se, but making friends with people that are also generous with their time and energy can be beneficial.
If you're a people pleaser, you understand what it's like to be surrounded by a group of friends (maybe in high school) that were takers. You may have gotten sick of being taken advantage of.
Fortunately, at least millions of other people on this planet love to serve others. Just around the corner, another empathetic person is looking for other empathetic friends.
Expand your friend circle to meet like-minded people.
That's It!
Overcoming People's Pleaser Syndrome can be challenging at first, but it becomes the easiest thing in the world with time. Start learning to respect yourself and please yourself as you would another person, and you will find that you even have more value to offer others.
Do you know someone that struggles with People Pleaser Syndrome? Please share this blog post to help them realize that they can overcome it and learn to be more grounded.